Just a Phase?


I’m wondering if I’m in a funk, just going through a phase, or simply just changing.  I’ve noticed a difference in my temperament the last couple of weeks. It’s alarming, yet I feel so liberated. I’ve gotten to a place where I really have a low tolerance for bullshit. I’ve left friends behind, on account of not wanting to deal with their issues. Is that a mark of a bad friend or am I finally putting myself first? I’m tired of the so-called friends calling me up when they’re in need of something. I’m tired of the lies and lack of loyalty in the people I’ve chosen to call friend. I feel like I’m finally taking responsibility for my choices, by weeding out the dead weight, so to speak. With me being the ultimate people pleaser for so long, I finally either woke up or just simply have had enough! Always having an encouraging word for everyone else, regarding others’ feelings, being polite, and being the ever faithful friend. All great qualities. So why do I feel like I’m the idiot? I suppose it’s because I’ve chosen people who do not readily reciprocate these things. Should I be upset about not getting back what I put out? The nice and polite answer would be, not to be upset and doing things for others just for the sake of being nice is rewarding enough. I understand and agree with that. However, there is a but 🙂 But isn’t it nice every once in a while to be the recipient of all the nice things you offer to others. At what point do you become a doormat? Do you keep going out of your way to make others feel great about themselves, and never want reciprocity? Getting rid of toxic people who lack respect for friendship should be a good thing. What I’m conflicted about is, choosing to be less available to needy friends. I’m wondering if I’m being a “bad” friend by not allowing them to purge themselves, which in turn leaves me drained and depressed. I don’t think it would bother me so much if they let everything out, then followed with some sort of positive resolution and getting pro-active in a solution to their woes. It’s very important to me because it is what I’m doing for myself. Right now, I feel like, if someone is not going to be a part of my forward movement, then I don’t need them around to rain on my parade. Does that sound harsh? At times it does, but this is a crucial time for me, don’t I have the right? I’m hoping to come to terms with this issue, it’s been on my mind lately. I want to continue with the positive outlook I started the new year with, because I have so many wonderful things to look forward to. May the gods keep me in their favor 🙂

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