Do We Have To Like Everyone?

Have you ever had that one person,who you just could not stand? No matter what you do, no matter what they do, you just don’t like them. For starters,your personalities don’t mesh, and once they do something you don’t like, that’s it! Is it just me? Am I not forgiving or do I lack compassion? What happens when this person is a relative? I have a relative that drives me so insane, I just can’t find anything I like about them. It makes me sad because, I was able to forgive ex-partners after they’ve hurt me, yet I can’t find it in my heart to tolerate this relative. Something about their personality causes such disdain. I’ve been going through torment lately because, as time goes on, the less redeeming this person gets. I’ve attempted several times, to call upon my compassion and it worked. Just not for long. I give the person respect, but not much more. I see this person regularly and, I do feel bad that I can not muster up any fondness. Is giving the person respect enough on my part? Do I have to like this person? Or is it okay to not like somebody? It’s not without reason that, I do not care for this person. I’m not one, to just dislike somebody for no reason. I feel this is somewhat of a failure for me because, I’m not yet evolved to the point of where I want to be. It’s very frustrating. You would think, this could be achieved easily with a little effort. But wow, what an effort it takes. Maybe the fact that I feel badly about it, is a step in the right direction.


3 responses to “Do We Have To Like Everyone?

  • Vera

    Absolutely! You do not have to like everyone! I agree that respect is enough. There are not very many people I can’t get along with either, but there have been a few that have been very very hard to be around. But if relationships are our greatest gift, even the relationships full of conflict are a gift. All you can do is view it as an opportunity to look deeply to pinpoint exactly what it is you don’t like and the reasons they bring up those feelings in you. I think sometimes that helps because you can redefine your boundaries around that person and clearly see their unacceptable behavior. For instance someone might be an interragator hounding you with questions just to get under your skin, or maybe they continually in subtle ways attack you (maybe they are just trying to feel better about themselves), or maybe they are a “victim” that tries to attach to others and demand sympathy. And sometimes doing this you learn something about yourself. I read a book sometime ago (By James Redfield, author of Celestne Prophecy) that offered insights to dealing with these types of people.

    • May Torres

      You give great advice, Vera! I read Celestine Prophecy some years ago. After I read your reply, I did a search for James Redfield and saw all of his books listed. I’m going to be making a purchase soon! 🙂

      For every instance you gave, a person popped up in my head. I seem to attract very domineering personalities. I get the type that are so judgmental and critical. Some things make me fly into a fit, but for the most part I’m very easy going. I can’t stand conflict. The person that I specifically spoke about, just brings me back to a time when I’ve felt less than. I think that may be the source of negativity, among other more serious issues.

      I would be interested in learning why I’m drawn to this type in my personal life. As for those in my family, you can’t help who you’re related to 🙂

      Thanks for taking the time to converse with me 😀

  • Vera

    Well, thank you. I just love to read, and to talk to other like minded people. Some books just stick with you! I do understand what you mean. I had a girlfriend who I had to stop being friends with almost a year ago, because she was domineering and extremely judgmental, so I can relate. She just always seemed to think she knew what was best for my life and she would get upset if I didn’t take her advice and then continue to throw it in my face every chance she could. No amount of talking ever convinced her to back down or to start being nice (and she progressively got worse over time, you know the whole this isn’t working so I am going to do more of it strategy).

    But that period of my life was good for me, I really learned how to make boundaries and to make a stand when it was important, and ultimately I had to very calmly, matter-of-factly, cut her out of my life when it was time (of course you can’t exactly do that with a relative, but depends).

    Remember from psychology class, that mirror principle (can’t remember exactly), but the idea that we obtain our self image through the reflections we see thrown back to us by others? I think the healthiest people are the ones that while being aware of the reflection, they know that it can be distorted and is not their true self, but for some people, that the reflection is all that matters.

    As for conflict, it is a natural part of life, and certainly a completely conflict free life while it sounds desirable, is not the best thing. Conflict is there to teach us, to offer opportunities for us to grow and reach and become fully ourselves. Once you face it head on it tends to go away. Not that I am trying to simplify things, I know the huge emotional turmoil that conflict can be very well. Picture a flower seed stuck in a rock crevice fighting against all odds to sprout and grow, or a river cutting a path across the earth. Hang in there and most importantly… follow your heart.

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